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| Herbs to Reactivate Wife’s Sex Drive |
Answered by: Conrad Richter
Question from: Chad
Posted on: March 3, 2001
My wife and I have been together for over two years now. We had a baby about a year after marriage. Our sex life was great before having the baby; now it’s just sizzled out and well here recently just diminished altogether. We argue about sex all the time. She thinks I’m a pervert that won’t leave her alone. I keep trying to tell her that something in her hormones have changed and caused her to have no urges for sex anymore since having a baby. She claims it’s because she’s tired all the time and that I’m grumpy all the time.
Even when we do make love I feel like it’s one sided and she just wants to get it over with and really doesn’t get involved like she used to. It’s really starting to kill our marriage. I’m starting to suspect she’s found someone else, and starting to feel like she’s not attracted to me anymore. I try to explain this to her but she still thinks I’m being crazy for wanting a sex life. She keeps telling me she just doesn’t feel like having sex and just doesn’t get turned on like she used to.
My question for you is: Is there any herbal aphrodisiac, or, hell, any medication for that matter she can get to bring back the sex-craved kitten I married two years ago? I’m desperate for advice on this matter, so now I’m ready to look into talking her into trying some herbal medicines if there are any available. I believe she would try them just to prove to me that her hormones are fine.
There are herbs that are known to have an effect on the female libido. We have listed them in answers to similar questions before. Try searching for "female sex drive" in the "Q and A" section of our website for articles on these herbs.
The post-partum and early childhood period can cause a significant change in a new mother’s interest in sex. There are books that discuss this problem and how the partners can learn to deal with it. The good news is that women do develop a renewed interest in sex over time, but the bad news is it rarely ever recovers with the same gusto as during courtship or early marriage.
Hormones definitely have something to do with the change in sexual interest. Women going through pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and early childrearing go through huge changes in their hormonal patterns. The miracle of fetal development and birth are episodic hormonal events in a woman’s life. Like a deck of cards, it is unlikely that you will end up with the deck in the same card order after shuffling. Women undergo permanent structural bone and ligament changes to give birth, changes are controlled by hormones. Postpartum depression in women is well documented and is thought to be the result of hormonal change.
Can herbs help to restore hormonal balance? Definitely. But that hormonal balance will be different than it was before childbirth.
Aside from hormonal changes, the simple fact that the new mother has a baby to attend to forces changes in attitudes to her partner. She not only is weaker physically because of the sleep disruption, the diapers, the feeding, washing, but she naturally feels a need to reset her priority toward caring for the newborn baby.
Because there are so many factors at work, not just the hormones, it is essential to develop a climate of open communication with your wife. It is also important for you to accept the changes she is going through and try to develop a sense of sharing the journey of childbirth, childrearing and life together. She too has to see that you are not neglected. It is a question of balancing the needs of the child, your needs, and hers, and that can only come with heartfelt communication and sharing.
It may take only a few months or it may take several years, but with effort and love, this period can be a wonderful, enriching time when your love for each other and love for the child can deepen. Let’s face it, hot passion is not going to be there forever; true love includes passion but it morphs into something deeper over time. This is a dynamic time that can explode into a failed relationship or a completely satisfying deep love like you have never experienced.